


Unlocking the Door

by TerryMcKay



Category: Bodyguard (TV 2018)
Genre: F/M, Lots of anxiety, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-29 13:05:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17203934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TerryMcKay/pseuds/TerryMcKay
Summary: This is a missing scene. I always wondered what happened after Julia had locked to door to David when had tried to choke her. What went through their minds? DId they actually talk? All these questions I tried answering in this little one-shot





	Unlocking the Door

The locked door between them felt final. She had locked it in a moment of sheer panic and confusion. But now it felt as if a wall had been built between the two and she didn’t know how to get to the other side.  
She pressed her hand to the cold surface as if trying to feel his warmth from the other side of the door. She knew he hadn’t meant to hurt her. But the fact remained that he needed help. How could she let him stay on as her PPO with this standing between them? How could she justify the fact that someone who clearly needed help, but who had tried to choke her could remain the one person responsible for her protection and the one person she trusted the most? But he hadn’t meant it, there had to be a way to get both of them out of this situation unscathed.

Julia’s mind was spinning. She had too many thoughts running through it, but couldn’t get a clear focus. Fear numbed her. She didn’t want to lose him. But she knew it was beyond any doubt that he couldn’t remain her PPO. The thoughts seemed to keep on playing an excellent match of tennis. Back and forth. Back and forth. She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t want to know what she logically had to do.

Her fear of losing him almost overpowered her and found release in the only way, she usually successfully averted - crying. Her fear turned into desperation and grief. Hot tears fell down her cheeks, a loud and agonizing sound threatened to fill the room. She didn’t want to cry. She didn’t want him to hear her cry. He was sorry enough as it was, there was no need for him to hear her being helpless and miserable at the other side of the door, make him feel even worse.  
She was the one who always knew an answer to everything. So she did the only thing she could do to muffle the sound. She covered her mouth with her hand whilst cowering helplessly against the door. She didn’t know for how long she remained there, it could have been minutes, it might as well have been hours. She had lost track of time. Her tears, her fear, and desperation had made her immobile. It was unlike her. Julia Montague didn’t cry. She associated herself with being clear-headed, decisive, determined and oftentimes leaderly. Other people went as far as calling her dominating, arrogant (well, Roger did) and calculating. At the moment she felt neither of those things. Insecure, miserable and helpless sprang to her mind.

Her tears slowly began to dry. For once she couldn’t, she didn’t want to pull herself together and had let it all out. Now, sitting on the floor, resting her had against the door, hands still trembling, she absent-mindedly rubbed her arms. She noticed she was shivering. She must have been sitting there longer than she had initially thought. Oh, how she longed to be engulfed by his warmth right now, to take away all her sorrows! He was so good at making it all seem manageable. No matter what. When she was with him, everything was fine, everything would turn out to be okay. But she knew she couldn’t go to him right now.

Distractedly she ran her hand through her hair. The door was bothering her. Never had they kept it locked. She had locked it in a moment of terror. Just that she had locked away the one person who made her feel safe, despite what had happened. She stared at the doorknob, pondering for a second whether she should go ahead with unlocking the door, giving him (and her) the chance to go to the other person again or at least getting rid of that barrier, she had built up. She secretly knew that he would be too cautious and sensitive to actually go to her now. She had made it perfectly clear that she needed space. Even if she now craved to be in his arms, sleep next to him in her bed, she knew he would never go against her wishes. She didn’t know if it was such a wise idea to go and visit him either.  
She was out of her depth and needed time to think. She would probably not get a minute of sleep that night but would process everything and maybe come up with a plan that didn’t necessarily end with him being relieved of his duties. Slowly she put her hand on the doorknob and unlocked it, hands still trembling slightly.

 

*******

 

That sound pulled David from his state of pure shock and guilt. What did this mean? Up till a second ago, he had been convinced that everything was lost, that he had lost her. It wouldn’t have been the first time, he would lose someone he deeply cared about. The thought of having hurt Julia almost ripped him apart, the guilt was overwhelming. He was still trembling and couldn’t put one clear thought after the other. He wasn’t sure if the trembling was only rooted in his shock at what he had done or if he was cold as well. But he didn’t really care. All he could think of was her.

He hadn’t wanted to lose her, the woman he had fallen in love with. A woman he had initially sworn to hate. She had represented everything that made him the person who was now sitting on the floor in his boxers, leaning against the door, trembling. The one who had made the decision to sent him to Afghanistan in the first place. But the moment she had apologized to him, he knew that he was wrong. Very quickly he realized that he was in danger.

She was one of the most extraordinary people he had ever met. They were like two ships that pass at night. The moment he had felt her opening up to him, showing him just how human and warm she was, how much she trusted and relied on him had almost floored him. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had actually trusted him or wanted to be with him without nagging to do this or that, to be anyone else but not him. She just seemed to understand him and he was lost in her.

Her unlocking the door to him got him back to reality, however. He was unable to actually put two and two together, the only thing that made sense to him at the moment and even that he almost didn’t dare thinking - because why should she after what he’d done to her - was that she still trusted him to some extent, that she might not relieve him of his duties and take him away from her. Those thoughts were almost too illusionary, too good to actually be true. In a perfect world, this would never have happened and he would be sleeping next to her, hear her breathing and observe her sleeping before he’d drift off himself. And as much as he longed to actually take her up on the offer she had made by unlocking the door, he didn’t know if he indeed should go to her. What would he say? What should he do? Was it even appropriate? He didn’t think so. He didn’t want to think what this might mean for their relationship even if she had unlocked the door, but experience told him it wouldn’t end well.

Before he’d conjure up a possible break-up tonight, he better gave her the space she had wanted and decided to wait for the next day - or rather dreaded for the sun to rise and his alarm clock to ring. He didn’t know how to face her. What he did know, however, was that he needed to get off the floor. He knew he wouldn’t get any sleep tonight but he still had a duty to fulfill, he still needed to protect her and his head had begun pounding. The only thing he knew would help was to try and get some sleep. So he got up, hesitantly, looking at the door one last time, wishing he could just enter her room, but then turning around and tiptoeing back to his bed with his sheets feeling cold and foreign.

 

*******

 

Meanwhile, Julia had made her way to her bed, now noticing their clothes, they had discarded only hours before. She picked up his shirt, holding it to her face, smelling his scent. It was ridiculous really, there he was just behind that door, but circumstances had made it impossible - at the moment at least - for her to go to him and sleep next to him. Yet she had gotten so used to having him next to her at night so quickly, that she knew she would have trouble finding at least some peace of mind without him. So she took his shirt, slipped back under the covers, hugging it. His smell seemed to be the only thing that gave her comfort, to stop her thoughts from running amok. She secretly knew the answer to her problem already. She just wasn’t ready to accept it.

She snuggled even deeper into David’s shirt, inhaling him deeply and closed her eyes, shutting out the world. Julia drifted into an uneasy sleep, dreaming of him leaving her, of her being alone again. She was crying just as pitifully as she had when she had been leaning against the door. She tried to keep fighting her tears, regain some kind of control over her body, which roused her from her restless slumber. The room was brighter than before, indicating that it must be nearly time to get up. Julia felt as if she hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep. On the contrary, she felt drained and exhausted, as if she had cried all night long. Turning her head back on David's shirt, she noted that it felt damp. She hadn't only cried in her sleep, she had cried in real life, too. This also explained her headache.

Groaning internally and rubbing her eyes, she forced herself to get up and get ready for the day. That horrible night and the ugly face of the next morning brought more clarity into this whole mess they had found themselves in. She knew she couldn't keep him on as her PPO. It would be selfish really. He needed help, she couldn’t close her eyes to that fact. It was less about her and if a situation like that would occur again, it was more of a matter of helping him get better. And if that meant letting him go, she had to make that sacrifice, for his sake. It didn´t make her feel any better, however. Plus, she still had no idea how to face him and look him in the eyes later.

  
She exited the bathroom, having made more of an effort this morning, to make her look as normal as possible, not like the wreck she felt to be at the moment. Trying to put the focus on the day ahead and her speech today, she checked her bag again as not to leave anything necessary behind.  At that moment she heard the doorbell ring. Stiffening briefly she put on her jacket, picked up her bags and opened the door.

  
David had given up on getting any sleep pretty early on and had decided to zip through the channels of his TV, only to get stuck at some documentary he didn't really care about. He was glad when it was finally time to get up. He had no idea how to face the day, how to face her. He had no idea how their future would look like, he could only hope that her unlocking the door had been a good sign. The only security he had, was the routine of the day. After he had willed himself out of bed, gotten ready and trying his best to put up his professional facade, personal issues were of unimportance at the moment. Seeing her now, however, made it very hard for him to stay professional and keep his emotions at bay.

  
“Good morning, ma'am” he greeted her, trying to keep his voice neutral and avoid her eyes.

  
“Good morning, Sergeant Budd” she replied just as professionally. But just like him, she avoided eye contact. He knew her well enough by now to be able to see in her eyes and in the way she looked and held herself, that her night had been just as miserable as his. Maybe even worse. And it was his fault.

  
She swept past him, glancing at him quickly and then putting up her best Julia Montague MP performance. The day was just too important. She had to stay focused, This day might as well decide what her future might look like. Her longing to have this awkward tension between her and David out of the way was almost just as great. And with those two sides of her battling, she exited her hotel pretending to be her usual self.

**Author's Note:**

> I am by no means a great (or maybe even good) fanfic writer, but I hope I wasn´t too off target with my story and my portrayal of the characters.


End file.
